So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
