I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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