I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize