when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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