Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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