did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
