Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
