I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
