You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
