i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
