we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
