Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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