so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
