hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
