I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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