I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
