I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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