Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
