just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
