I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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