dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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