If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize