yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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