haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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