I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize