Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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