I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
