yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.