girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
