I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
