so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
