It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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