I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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