I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
