she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
