so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
