ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
