So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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