I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
