dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
