I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
