I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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