we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
