the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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