it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
