This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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