____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
