if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
