I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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