went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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