i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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