Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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