nut hugger
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
