I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
