Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
