so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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