Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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