i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
